I have treatment resistant depression. The worst part is doing all the healthy things you can to get better and waking up to find you have to climb another mountain to get through the day. My days often feel like I’m in the middle of trench warfare during WW1. I have the added blessing of uncontrollable anxiety which sometimes prevents me from leaving the house, answering the phone terrified that I will run in to a roommate and have to act “normal.” When what I want to do is scream and say I think I’m going to beat my head against the wall or climb out of my skin. But instead I slink into my bedroom, fold myself into the smallest piece of humanity possible and take really shallow breaths so no one will know I exist.
I don’t want to share this because of the stigma and:
- Sometimes I pretend I’m okay because I don’t want to annoy people with my problems.
- Who wants to hire a person hiding such a large and uncontrollable flaw?
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” Robin Williams